i am scared to touch the world

February 9, 2020

i am scared to touch the world because what if it crumbles under my fingers. what if it burns. what if i learn it’s all a dream. what if it swallows me whole and burps me out and i get lost and never found. what if it makes me realize that this me i pretend to be was never really me no matter how hard i tried to be. i am always living in and through a fear, something, deep and petrifying and tainting this world so that i hide away from it. if i blossom and bloom will i be picked or crushed or take up too much space and water and root too deep just to keep myself grounded. if i blossom and bloom am i allowed to grow up and outward and take up space in this world? i want to feel, i want to let move in me the energy the emotion that needs space to breathe. i reach out into the world, shakily yet surely and warmly love reveals itself in my life, with hearts and souls and company and laughs and smiles that hold me when it’s cold and dark and empty and lightless. when it’s not. there is light in this world that touches me too. there is warm in this world that i deserve to feel in me too. i am scared to touch the world but i do anyway and this is the result.